tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
