just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
