I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
