i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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