this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
