Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
