I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
