please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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