Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
