I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
