so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
