First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
