I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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