come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
zippers are such a cool invention
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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