Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
