Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
