i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
