David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
