as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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