my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize