shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
