She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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