It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
