quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
