Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
