At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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