all she had left on were here heels. phone five
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
