it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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