Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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