Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
