How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
God, I missed his penis.
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