they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
