so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
