so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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