i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
