You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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