sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
