you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
