he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
BRING THE BAGELS
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
