Moan for me like Helen Keller
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
