I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So much rum. So many feels.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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