I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
