Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
