i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
