Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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