it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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