Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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