Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
COCAINE IS GR8
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
