Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize