Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
