I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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