Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
