whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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