And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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