he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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