Please, let me fuck your mom
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
