she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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