So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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