i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
