i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
