Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
