He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
