I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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