Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
